


Worth It

by Kyluxtrashpit (ApostateRevolutionary)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Very brief), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extra soft, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Soft Kylux, like kittens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 07:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8965870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateRevolutionary/pseuds/Kyluxtrashpit
Summary: Kylo's brain is not always nice to him. Hux tries to help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Some extra soft, completely self-indulgent, modern au kylux because I’ve had a terrible fucking week and a particularly bad night the other day as a result. Thus, emotions and fluff to soothe the soul

Hux came into the apartment to find Kylo lying on his back on the kitchen floor, staring unblinkingly up at the light in a way that made Hux want to lecture him about the damage he was surely doing to his corneas. Instead, he quickly took in the scene. The sink was running, forgotten and hot enough to steam, a stray droplet landing on Kylo’s face, if the way his cheek twitched was any indication. Beside the sink, a pile of wet but undeniably clean dishes sat abandoned. On the floor, Kylo weakly clutched an equally wet spatula in both hands like it was somehow either a weapon or a talisman, still staring at the light and, in all likelihood, pretending he hadn’t noticed Hux come in. There were damp lines trailing from his eyes and down his cheeks to the floor.

_Ah, so it’s that bad then_. Hux had originally come over under the guise of just having a nice dinner with his boyfriend on a Friday night. Not that he didn’t want that; he did, he simply had an ulterior motive for arriving when he did. Kylo had been having more trouble than usual lately, so Hux thought he’d try to help. Being around, for one, seemed to give Kylo a bit more energy, and Hux’s borderline compulsive neatness leant itself easily to helping Kylo clean up when he wasn’t well enough to manage it on his own. It seemed now, though, that perhaps Hux should’ve come sooner.

He gently set his briefcase and coat down on a chair at the less-cluttered-than-it-had-been kitchen table, then turned back to his despondent Kylo. Hux calmly made his way over, crouching down so as not to loom over the man.

“That can’t be comfortable,” Hux said, waiting for Kylo to stir.

Hux had learned better than to ask what was wrong outright. It was more effective to let Kylo come to it on his own, pretend he didn’t see when his boyfriend was fraying at the edges until Kylo _let_ him. He responded much better when the vulnerability was left up to his choice, rather than that of his fragile emotions.

Kylo gestured vaguely with the spatula. “I-”

His voice cut out before he could finish. Kylo furrowed his brow, cleared his throat, and tried again.

“I couldn’t get it clean,” he said, voice flat and empty.

Hux gently reached over to take the spatula from Kylo’s limp grasp, placing it up on the counter with the rest of the dishes. “It’s alright, darling. I’ll take a look at it but first we should get you off the floor, hm?”

Kylo blinked, as if processing, and then nodded automatically. He rolled himself up before Hux had the chance to assist, and Kylo paused and swayed a bit when he made it to a sitting position. Hux took that moment to step in, taking Kylo’s hands and pulling him up to standing. Kylo leaned heavily on him as Hux led him to an unoccupied chair at the table, though it remained unclear if that was due just to his emotional exhaustion or if he’d taken some of his frustration out on his body as well.

Kylo slumped into the chair without protest, leaning his head against Hux’s side. Hux gave him the moment, petting his hair gently, then pulled away with a promise that he’d be right back. He filled a glass with water – cold, not the hot that had been running – and grabbed one of those tins of fruit Kylo liked so much. Syrupy peach slices weren’t really what Hux would classify as ‘comfort food’, but Kylo had mentioned he used to eat them a lot when he was with his much beloved grandparents. They were comforting to him, which was what mattered, and Hux also found them to be a convenient way to make sure Kylo remembered to eat fruit every once in a while.

Once the tin was open and as drained as it got, he returned to Kylo with the water, the peaches, and a fork. Kylo nodded his gratitude, taking a careful sip of water and then digging into the peaches, reluctantly at first and then with gusto. Hux couldn’t help but smile softly.

“Finish those while I finish up in the kitchen, okay?” he said, gently, knowing Kylo often fought Hux’s attempts to take care of him. “I won’t be long.”

Kylo looked at him for a moment, gaze empty and still a little damp, then nodded again. Hux took his cue to return to the kitchen – fortunately still within Kylo’s line of sight – and finish up the remaining couple of dishes in the sink. Those washed, he then dried them with the rest of the damp pile and put them away. The counter was remarkably clean, free of dirty dishes or empty cans, and since Hux knew it hadn’t been that way last night when Kylo had made dinner while on video chat, Kylo really must have pushed himself today. Too far, if the result was any indication.

Hux then turned his attention on the spatula that seemed to be the culprit, focusing instead on what he could fix. There was what appeared to be some residue on it, but an exploratory scratch with a fingernail showed that it wasn’t budging. Not residue, then, but simply a permanent feature now etched into the teflon from age and repeated use that hadn’t been noticed before. Ah, that explained it, then. He rinsed and dried the spatula then set it aside, deciding to save that conversation for when Kylo was feeling closer to ‘okay’ again.

Once the kitchen was cleaned up, Hux returned to the table, moving his briefcase so he could sit with Kylo while he finished off the last of the peaches. Kylo still did not speak, likely capable of it now but telling himself foolish things like how he shouldn’t burden Hux with his problems or other such nonsense. Hux would outlast those thoughts, though, he always did.

When the peaches were gone and the last of the water finished, Hux took care of the dishes and the empty can. He then invited Kylo to the couch instead, receiving an enthusiastic affirmation, and settled himself with Kylo’s head on his chest and the rest of him stretched along the couch between Hux’s legs. They stayed like that, Hux idly playing with Kylo’s hair while Kylo finally explained exactly what had happened. He’d tried to clean up, as a surprise for Hux – that part had made Hux’s heart hurt a little in a way he immediately decided should not have been permitted – but the damn spatula hadn’t come clean, no matter what he’d done, even when he’d used the _bleach_ from under sink. Then, well, he’d thrown the spatula as hard as he could, retrieved it, tried again, and it had pretty much immediately exploded from there.

Of course, Hux heard the pieces and emphases Kylo hadn’t said. ‘ **I** couldn’t do it’, ‘I don’t know why [yes I do, it’s because there’s something wrong with me]’, ‘I’m sorry, I felt good enough to do something nice for you [but even though I felt it, I still wasn’t, still failed]’. None of it was new; Hux had heard it all before when Kylo was crying or breaking things or lying nearly catatonic on the floor. As soon as he’d realized he was in far too deep with this man, had feelings he thought himself incapable of, Hux had made it his personal mission to disprove every one of those thoughts when he could. And though Kylo was doing better with Hux’s support, he knew his presence wasn’t a magical cure by any stretch.

He did what he could; he listened to Kylo, said what he hoped were the right things, and held his boyfriend for as long as Kylo needed it. After a time, he asked what Kylo wanted to do for dinner, agreed immediately with Kylo’s blurted response of ordering pizza, and dialed in their order while Kylo searched for something on Netflix they both might like.

It was good, Hux thought. Kylo often, in his darker moments, asked why Hux even put up with him. Hux didn’t see it that way; he saw the way Kylo slowly brightened over the course of the night, still snuggling up to him as if they were trying to melt into one being. He saw how much different Kylo was with him than with others, how he could open up and talk about the things he loved for hours. He saw how Kylo smiled without reserve at Hux’s blush-filled reactions when he bought him flowers or performed any number of equally cliché yet endearing actions. Kylo’s problems wouldn’t go away, but what Hux saw was how much of a difference he could make for the man he loved with nothing more than kind words, gestures, and touches.

And that, that was worth every single time he had to pick Kylo up off the floor of the kitchen, or help him patch up his hand and the wall after putting his fist through it, or hold him while he shook with the force of his sobs. All of it was worth it for this: Kylo in his arms, both full of greasy pizza, watching some movie he’d likely forget in favour of the way Kylo laughed at the funny parts.

Every single bit of it was completely worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://kyluxtrashpit.tumblr.com) too


End file.
